The Chronicles Of Jessica

After a series of hurdles, I managed to get the aforementioned restaurant job. The savvier of my new york readers will no doubt be able to discern which restaurant it is, but I won't name it specifically so that I can freely complain about it whenever I want to. Which I suspect will be frequently.

It's weird being a waitress again after such a long time. Among actors there are generally two versions of the 'day job'; office work and restaurant/bar work. I've dabbled extensively in them both, and in general I'm more comfortable in an office setting. No one has ever found steel wool in their fettucine and threatened me with litigation while I was in an office setting. I've never accidentally locked myself in the huge walk-in refrigerator in any of the offices I've worked for. And for the most part, the office work is a little friendlier on your feet.

However, the restaurant route has definite perks as well. Cash pay. Free food!

I literally cannot think of a third.

Anyway, this job in particular has an unusual fringe benefit: frequent opportunities to gawk at celebrities.

I don't know why or how, but this restaurant has become a sort of unofficial hangout for celebrities and other industry people. It's a place to see and be seen, while paying three dollars and fifty cents for a glass of iced tea. (A hefty price tag for a drink, to be sure, but it does include unlimited refills.) They come before they go to the theatre, or for some sustenance after the play lets out, or they come to talk business with their agent or manager or interior decorator. They come, I suppose, because they always have; it's like the famous person's version of the emperor penguins returning to the breeding grounds.

I'm sure that you're all just chomping at the bit to find out exactly which celebrities I've waited on, and who am I to keep you hanging on? Chris has suggested that I should create a bar graph showing which ones tip the best, but I think that cheapens us both. (Matthew Broderick - 30%)

So here's an unofficial list:

Bernadette Peters
John Lithgow
Jodi Foster
John Turturro

Lorne Michaels
(can I get some appreciation for how freakin' difficult it was to NOT show off or try and be funny in front of Lorne Michaels, for god's sake? I showed some serious restraint.)

Jack Lemmon
Tracey Ullman
Nathan Lane
Marsha Mason

Actually, Jack Lemmon is dead. I just wanted to make sure you were paying attention.

It's interesting at first, getting this up close glimpse of these really famous people. There's something just inherently neato about shaving parmesan onto Ferris Bueller's rigatoni. But there's something that's really a bummer about it, too. I don't know what it is exactly. The fact that they can afford to eat there, and I can't? The fact that they are incredibly successful in their respective careers and I'm, um, whatever it is I'm doing. (Regrouping? Yeah, that sounds good.) Whatever else it is, it's the fact that there is no way any of them could have the slightest clue just how talented the girl fetching the cappucinos really is.

But, hey, I'm optimistic. You just never know where all this celebrity interaction might lead, do you? With one phone call, any one of these people could change the whole course of my life by giving me some opportunity that I couldn't come close to getting on my own. A meeting with a casting director! An audition for an agent! A movie contract, perhaps!

Or if nothing else, the chance to shave some parmesan in far fancier restaurants.