The Chronicles Of Jessica

It's about to be our one-month anniversary of living in DC, which is pretty hard to believe. I don't feel like a whole lot has happened over the last few weeks, other than ritualistically washing every single item of clothing we have for free in our amazing new washing machine - but sadly, the bloom is starting to go off of that particular rose. Of course SOME of us are getting to hobnob with Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden and have our articles published on the websites of internationally recognized news organizations and....wait, what was I saying?

There are some key differences between DC and other cities that I've lived in (namely New York and Chicago) which surprise me. My first week here I observed the most obvious of these: Most people here are really friendly. Even people behind counters who make change and put things in bags are really friendly. (I started to put two 'really's in that sentence but I don't want to exaggerate; DC is still basically a city, not like Pleasantville or Staunton or something.) But people smile when you smile at them, they tell you to have a nice day and they look like they mean it, they are patient while you decide what to order. That one I really appreciate. I used to look on it as kind of kitcschy, the way counter people in New York yell at you while you're perusing the options and trying to decide what to have. You know, "Should it be egg salad or chicken salad? Which one looks like it's been sitting around the longest? Maybe I should just have a regular salad. Am I doing low-carb today or low-fat? If I'm doing low-fat then I should go for a salad-salad but if I'm doing low-carb I can have the chicken salad, as long as there's no bread crumbs in there. Should I ask if there's bread crumbs in there? No, I can't do that, look at that woman, she'd probably pull a gun out from under there and shoot me. Look at her mustache. There's just no reason for a woman to have to have a mustache in this day and age. Maybe I could recommend my waxer to her. Or I could get a pastrami...." And they're making it impossible to concentrate, going, "Come on, come on, comeon comeoncomeoncomeone, whaddya gonna have, lady, whaddya gonna have?" I think I used to justify this in my mind as something that make New York so unique, so full of personality. Now I realize that I just didn't like to acknowledge that the other members of my community could be such pains in the ass, because the truth is that nobody likes to be yelled at and bullied into rushing their lunch order. That's how you wind up eating lox and cream cheese on a day-old onion bagel with a mustache hair on it.

Then there's finding your way around. DC is nowhere near as big as New York and nowhere near as much work to navigate, but the people in the train stations here are just happy to hop in and help you. You don't even have to ask, they just come right over to you wanting to know if they can be of assistance! And then when you come out of the station, there's people in these jackets that say "Downtown DC" that are standing around, waiting to direct you to your destination! For free! That's what I'm talking about - Cur-tuh-sea.

The subway thing is really different. They don't call it the subway here, though, they call it the Metro. For one thing, it is really super clean. I mean really clean, I have not seen even one rat, and believe me, I'm looking. I want to make sure that this city comparison, however casual, is Fair and Balanced(tm.) Also, I'm pretty sure that I haven't waited for a train for more than five minutes so far. Then when I'm actually riding the train, the ride is blissfully lunatic-free. No one screaming about Jesus, or panhandling, or staggering around in a pool of their own vomit. I mean there must be people like that around here, but I haven't seen any. Maybe they have their own cars?

But then this morning I was trying to get on this train to go to work. Work is only two stops from the apartment, and involves a transfer, and it's an easy walk so I always just hoof it rather than bother paying the fare. But it is freezing out today, around 20 degrees or so, and I just couldn't handle it, so I got on the train. Well, I tried to. The first train that came along was pretty crowded, and instead of pushing their way on and forcing people to the center of the train (the method I'm used to), people were just sort of stepping up to the doors and when there appeared to be no more room, they just kind of stepped back to wait for the next one. No, no, no, people. This is where we need to take a leaf from the book of the Big Apple. Places to go, people to see! During rush hour you cram into that car like a sardine and if that means having someone's armpit an inch from your face for the commute then you take it like a man!

This courtesy thing need only go so far.

P.S. - Right now the contest between Bloomberg and our new guy, Adrian Fenty, is a landslide for Fenty as far as I'm concerned. I say this is the kind of thing that, while small, makes a real difference.