I have this friend, René Thornton Jr., who is a gifted and talented actor. He's also really sexy and quick with a laugh and a hoot and a half to hang out with. And for some reason, even though I had roundly dismissed the idea many times before, when he suggested to me that I should be looking into doing standup comedy, I started thinking more seriously about it.
And last week, I made my auspicious debut at a bar here in DC. I didn't tell anyone, or invite anyone, except for Paul and Julie, and they almost don't count because they know me so well they might as well be appendages. Anyway, I was only given a very short slot to start out with, as an insurance policy, because anyone who's ever seen standup knows how painful it is when the person tanks....and has to stand up there for another ten minutes. There's nothing worse. You start wondering if Home Depot carries those sticks with the hooks on the end, you know, like they had in vaudeville. Or in the Loony Tunes cartoons; I get them mixed up.
The few days leading up to it I was reallllllly nervous. I always said I would never do standup for the same reason I never wanted to sing; there's nothing between you and the audience. Although at least if you're singing some crummy song you can blame it on the music or on the accompanist. When you've written your own material and you're up there, just you, it's a lot harder to lay blame on other people when they yank you off stage with that stick with the hook on the end (what IS that thing called?)
But then as the time drew near, I was writing my little material (or "bits", if you will) and funny ideas started coming to me (at least they seemed funny to me) and the next thing you know, I'm there and there are people there to watch me. Okay, not to watch me per se, but they were an audience and I had a microphone, so the end result was the same. I was kind of afraid, but I did it. I did something I had never done before! I got up there on the little stage, with that white-hot light in my face, and I made drunk people laugh! I don't know why I thought it would be that difficult; I've been making drunk people laugh since college, this was just more official. Also - a key corollary - I myself was not drunk. Thus the difference between an amateur and a professional experience.
So they invited me back to do it again the following week, and I said yes. Still not sure where I might be going with this, but in the meantime, I'm certainly not up to anything more pressing, careerwise. It's giving me a reason to write and a chance to perform a little bit and I'm grateful for that. And I look at it this way: This might be my one chance to really, FINALLY!, get close to Carrot Top.
Oh, I'll dial down the center for you, Carrot Top. Niiiiiiiiice and slow.
Comments (9)
Nice Carrot Top pop culture reference....Thank the heavens above those commercials have gone to the marketing afterlife. They made me feel homicidal to watch.
And what's with Carrot Top's face? Is he coated in latex? No, seriously, is he?
Posted by Juanita Two Cups | March 20, 2007 4:03 PM
Posted on March 20, 2007 16:03
well i'm so glad that i'm finally being blamed for something good :)
i'm so glad to hear it went well, and I look forward to getting to see your act soon
Posted by Rene | March 20, 2007 4:12 PM
Posted on March 20, 2007 16:12
It’s called a “crook,” the pole with the hook on the end? Shepard’s traditionally use them for hooking those sheep who had the lowest morals and shortest fleeces. Ironic that once hooked off stage the same fate as the sheep usually befalls the stand-up comic.
Rene, you have my thanks for convincing our girl to realize her true potential. Next time we meet, I’m buying.
Jessica – Officially a comedienne. I’ll see you on Saturday Night Live, but I tell you, you’re gonna need more cowbell.
Posted by Charles Webster | March 20, 2007 5:52 PM
Posted on March 20, 2007 17:52
I can't believe we weren't on the guest list. I could have brought a cake! Ever since "fun bags" I'm a regular reader. C'mon Jess, you are a riot, it's one of your many drawing qualities. Good luck next time and let us know when...we'll be there!
Christine
Posted by christine | March 20, 2007 10:43 PM
Posted on March 20, 2007 22:43
Hey Jessica! Auntie has always known you are a natural born stand up comic! I still remember the time you came up to Sunday River (you were all of 9) and you stood in the middle of the kitchen in our ski house with all of the adult party guests crowding around you, and you told joke after joke until beer came out of their noses! (You were sober then too.) As I remember it, your first skiing experience was not as successful. The comedy is in the genes...the skiing gene escaped you. That's okay.
Posted by Auntie Janice | March 21, 2007 8:29 AM
Posted on March 21, 2007 08:29
Oh boy!!! How fun is that! Good for you, Hon!!! I can't wait to see one some time...
Posted by Joann | March 21, 2007 12:38 PM
Posted on March 21, 2007 12:38
Carrot Top is performing at the Luxor in Vegas. He is THE act and his gigantic head is plastered all over the place...maybe one day your gigantic head can be plastered all over the place too. We're planning a trip to DC, hopefully I can catch your act.
Posted by Becky Katzman | March 21, 2007 3:05 PM
Posted on March 21, 2007 15:05
Jessica, that is so cool! Once again, I am going to get to live vicariously through you! I have always wanted to be a stand-up comic! You have tickled my funny bone since you were a little girl when you used to tell those Lewis Grizzard stories in your cute little southern drawl. And, I always loved how you would work a swear word or two into your routine, but we would laugh anyway because it was downright funny to hear a seven year old cuss a bit! xox, Auntie P
Posted by Patti Peterson | March 23, 2007 7:51 AM
Posted on March 23, 2007 07:51
Not having the American cultural references I had to look "Carrot Top" up on the web.
Question: I'm right in assuming Carrot Top is a Bull Dyke, aren't I?
There's no way that's a bloke - it's some scary-looking bird with muscles.
Posted by charles webster | March 30, 2007 9:36 AM
Posted on March 30, 2007 09:36