The Chronicles Of Jessica

Sometimes things are happening, and sometimes you are in the time which is between things happening. I think this is one of those times.

Paul was invited to blog at Oval Office 2008. Go show him some love.

Let's see, let's seee.....news. There must be some news. The save-the-date cards for the wedding went out, finally. Ass-o-graphics (not their real name) did not exactly provide the Dunton/Fidalgo nuptials with what I would call an overwhelming customer service experience. Matter of fact, I don't think I can recall the last time I had an overwhelming customer service experience, unless you count the massage I had on my birthday when the masseuse placed a tissue on the floor under my face because I had a sinus infection and was worried about dripping onto the floor.

Ew.

I had my first wedding-anxiety nightmare the other day. It was time for the wedding to start, and I had done my hair and put on my dress, only to find that every time I looked in the mirror, my hair was oily and stringy as though I had not washed it for days. So I'd put it back up, with all these barrettes and bobby pins, only to check myself again in the mirror and find it looking the exact same way. This happened a few times. Then Donald Trump appeared, and he offered me some fried chicken, which I accepted, and then, I looked down to find that my wedding dress had somehow morphed into the costume that I wore as Old Lady in Crowd in "King and No King".

I woke up in a cold sweat. With a spork under my pillow.

I have a bunch of auditions coming up, and on Saturday I'm invited to do a short spot at a comedy show in Maryland, which should be great fun. I am telling myself that I was not invited solely because it is Easter weekend and a lot of the gentile comics will be out of town. Anyway, if you're reading this and you're in the DC area and you want to come see me, let me know and I'll get you the details.

We're starting to get more used to D.C., although every single time that I walk anywhere (which is every day), I almost get hit by a car. I am at pains to point out that I have lived in New York and Chicago, so it's not like I'm some hayseed who's wandering the city streets unawares. People here just view the red light as more of a guideline than a hard and fast rule. AND - they are all on their cell phones. (I know that some of you are guiltily laughing because you talk on your cell phones while you're driving. YOU NEED TO NOT DO THAT. A study at the University of Utah showed that the level of impairment to your driving is equivalent to driving while intoxicated. You probably don't think your driving is affected but I'm telling you, it is. Keep both hands on the wheel and your eyes on the road. If you killed someone, it would make you feel bad about yourself. End rant.)

Anyway, who are they calling at 8 in the morning? I cannot imagine. Most, if not all, of the people I know would not be up for meaningful conversation at 8 a.m. A lot of people I know are actors and would lose their shoe up your butt if you called them at 8 in the morning, and the other half are all on their way to work themselves. So I guess maybe these commuters are calling other commuters, maybe in other cities, just to see what the ass end of an SUV looks like in, say, Topeka, as opposed to Washington.

"Really, you can't see anything except for their beanie baby collection on the rear windshield? Me neither!"

"Really, a decal of Calvin peeing on Hobbes? What a coincidence!!"