Our downstairs neighbors apartment got broken into the other day and even though this affects us not at all, I am still going to write about it in terms of memememememe.
Apparently some theiving dudes were able to somehow pop the lock off of the iron bar security door that is in front of the entrance to their apartment and then either kick in or perhaps use some sort of log to ram open the other door, then stole their laptop and digital camera and some other stuff. I guess I don't know for sure that they were dudes and I don't want to discriminate unfairly, but let's face it, most women aren't so much for the breaking and entering. I feel fairly certain that the reason they chose that place was because the door is kind of obscured by the stairs leading to our apartment, so they were hidden a little bit from the street. Still, the upstairs neighbors have a lady in to clean their apartment once a week and she observed a dude ringing the bell for that apartment and acting in a suspicious joint-casey kind of way. When he saw her looking at him out the window he took off. Hopefully he's under the impression that a shut in lives there and he won't be back. I would assume it's the same dude, but who knows? He wasn't wearing a t shirt that said, "I robbed this place Tuesday and all I got was a lousy Inspiron Notebook."
Everyone has their little crime stories. Fortunately among my friends and family they are for the most part very non-violent, more inconvenience-slash-personal outrage type stories, so I'm very grateful for that. I don't want to go into the ones that were violent because it gives me the major heebie jeebies.
Minor detour, courtesy of Word detective dot com: "As to your worries about "heebie-jeebies" possibly being an anti-Semitic slur, the answer is a somewhat qualified "no." The phrase "heebie-jeebies" was invented by Billy De Beck, a famous American comic strip artist of the 1920's, in his popular "Barney Google" strip in 1923. De Beck, by the way, also invented "hotsy-totsy" (a term of approval) and the wonderful "horsefeathers" (meaning "utter nonsense") in his strip. "Heebie-jeebies" must have caught the popular imagination immediately, since the dance of that name appeared a scant three years later, in 1926."
See? I give a little learning along with....whatever else you're getting from this.
As I was saying, it tends to bring up a flood of personal crime anecdotes from people in your circle, along with your own recollections. For example when I lived in Chicago and my cousin Tonya was visiting me and our purses got stolen out of the trunk of my car along with my friend Gotch's coat, his journal, and a 24 pack of toilet paper that I had bought for my apartment. (Three guesses as to my advantageous location when I realized that was missing.) Then the car was actually stolen two days before I was supposed to drive to Ashley Bishop's wedding in Birmingham, so I didn't get to go to the wedding, and when the car was finally found, the police never called to tell me so it sat in an impound lot for a week racking up fees for Mayor Daley's brother in law, who owns all the impound lots in Chicago. "Vote early and often!" ARGH.
I remember that like it was yesterday because it was such a disaster. Marcus had to drive me to the impound lot at the crack of dawn, and they couldn't tell me anything about the car, not even whether I would even be able to drive it away because, according to the woman behind the counter in the gold glitter "Jesus was a Black Man" tee shirt and stirrup pants, the car may or may not have "been burned".
Excellent.
Turned out it had not been burned or even singed, just a little cracked up and thank goodness for Geico because they handled it all amazingly and I could not have been more pleased with their customer service. Not only do their commercials make me lol out loud, they actually back it up. I love the cavemen, I love the gekko, I love their whole kooky ad team (which is based in Richmond, by the way. Little bit of trivia.)
Julie's car has been broken into twice here in the District; actually the downstairs neighbors had their car broken into last month, too. (God, they have bad luck!) Tonya and Claude had their house broken into and the crooks stole their Sega Genesis, if I'm not mistaken - of course it was probably obsolete about five minutes later, so oh well. Johnny and Anne had their apartment broken into which was reallllllly bad, because he has his photography studio in the apartment and they got some expensive equipment and her wedding necklace. My friend David Parkes apartment was robbed when he lived in New York while he was in it; they tied his roomate to a chair and he pretended to sleep through the whole thing. Which is pretty smart if you think about it and also kind of hilarious, especially 20 years later.
Of course I once had a roomate who stole the keys to my car and made copies and then drove it all over town for months without me knowing. I just kept finding taco bell wrappers under the drivers seat and thinking, "When the hell did I eat a Gordita?" You could be living alongside a criminal mind, you just never know. Well, I do, actually. Paul is so moral he won't even let me take a ball point pen. I maintain that ballpoint pens are like community property, you need one you take one, you leave one - so? Like the penny tray at 7-11.
Feel free to chime in with comments about your own personal crime related experiences. I'm not happy with the level of comments lately. Ante up! Also I'm making a "sorry you got robbed but I'm glad we didn't" card for the neighbors and I need ideas.
Comments (11)
I once had something stolen...my DIGNITY.
And the perpetrator looked just...LIKE....ME!!!!
Posted by Paul | June 29, 2007 12:44 PM
Posted on June 29, 2007 12:44
Just after we moved to RI from NY/NJ, our house got broken into by a couple of crackhead idiots. One was a lady! They took a Futurama box set and my wedding necklace. They left two laptops, Jim's souped-up Mac, and an endorsed check for a hundred dollars. A guy I later met at court after the couple had been caught told me that when they hit his house, they overlooked a still-in-package digital video camera worth $5k and a cigar box full of hundred dollar bills in favor of a jar of change. Actually, I've heard from a bunch of people who've had their homes broken into by addicts that the jars of change - you know, the ones that weigh thirty pounds - are generally what gets taken.
Anyway, when we got home the day we were robbed, it took a while for us to realize what had happened. Our first thought was that stuff was knocked off of high shelves and a plant was knocked over by the kitchen window because Parker, who stands all of six inches tall, misbehaved while we were gone. Thank god nothing happened to her, huh? She may yap like crazy when someone comes to the door when she's not alone in the house already, but when she's alone I think she's far more sensible.
Turns out our thieves would have made off with much more had our intrepid neighbor not seen them and thought something might be up. The man of the couple stayed out in the driveway while his girlfriend went through the house, but when Mr. Thief saw my neighbor giving him the hairy eyeball, he called Ms. Thief on his cell and they got the hell out of there.
My point is threefold:
1. If you think you might get broken into by crackheads, set out a big jar of pennies as a decoy. They won't even see the iPhone or the Maltese Falcon on the mantel.
2. Nosy neighbors are a godsend. Go bake them something to curry their favor.
3. Don't blame your tiny dog for things she couldn't possibly do. She holds a grudge.
Posted by margy | June 29, 2007 1:50 PM
Posted on June 29, 2007 13:50
Somebody stole my tail. Still looking for the darn thing.
Posted by Matt | June 29, 2007 2:35 PM
Posted on June 29, 2007 14:35
You have a Maltese Falcon too? Son of a bitch.
Posted by Julie | June 29, 2007 2:39 PM
Posted on June 29, 2007 14:39
Yup - you are right Jess. Our house was broken into about 3 months after we moved in. We came home late from a wedding and when I walked into my room to find my closet door open and bureau drawers slightly ajar and I knew someone had been in our house. Anal I know, but I am a neat freak. The did steal Claude's sega genesis & all of his games. I was pissed that they stole a pillowcase from our bed to carry the loot, so I had a mismatched set!! Must have been kids, or the fact that we were young newlyweds (1995 folks) and we had nothing of any vaule other than the tv and that sucker was heavy? Oh and I had my car broken into 3 times, the same car & they took my stereo. I am still laughing about your friend who got robbed while he was in his appt & he pretended to sleep while they tied his roommate up! Sorry to laugh at his expense but it's like something out of a movie or a Friends episode! Picture Chandler tied up & Joey pretending to sleep!
Posted by Tonya | June 29, 2007 2:49 PM
Posted on June 29, 2007 14:49
I’m an untidy bloke like many men, I suppose. Have you noticed that in a similar way to when women live together for any length of time their … how shall I put this? … their “Ladytime” all synchronise, when blokes live together all their most charming qualities seem to synchronise to? So you don’t so much have a house as so much of a farmyard cess pit. Funny that..
Anyway, I was living in one such hovel during my first year at university when we were burgled. It was late, I was drunk, I think I was wrestling with Matt over the half a can of Special Brew we’d spotted sitting forlornly on a nearby wall (probably left by a beggar as it was the Tramp-fuel of choice at the time) and it was not immediately apparent as we stumbled across the threshold of the decaying flop house we chose to call home, that anything was wrong.
Ok, it looked a little spruced up. The furniture was straighter and the rubble from when Matt had let the bath overflow causing our living room ceiling to collapse was now neatly piled to one side. However, nothing actually seemed to be missing. It was only when we begin to realise that actually we didn’t have a maid service and the house was looking surprisingly ship shape and Bristol-fashion that we may have a small problem.
You see, Matt and I were as students, so extraordinarily revolting in our pursuits of drink and .. well, drink that our burglars had had to tidy up to find anything of value worth pilfering. And the best they had managed was a brand new pair of motorcycle boots which I’d managed to split the soles of and needed to return, (quite worryingly) a fourteen inch bowie knife .. it’s best not to ask … and Matt’s interview suit, which because he never did any work and was perpetually very drunk he had no use for.
And they’d moved all the rubble in the living room as this was the only way they could drag Matt’s seemingly expensive Hi-Fi out the front door. What the thieves were unaware of was the little idiosyncrasy Matt often displayed whist under the influence to confuse almost any structure you could imagine for a urinal. So shortly after blowing a whole terms grant on a most impressive music system he woke up one night still quite drunk, opened the cabinet door of his Hi-Fi and proceeded to relieve himself all over the sensitive tape decks and turntable with a beatific smile of relief all across his puck-like features.
Tragically, Killdozer’s classic LP “The Uncompromising War on Art Under the Dictatorship of the Proletariat’ which contained the timeless track “Hamburger Martyr” was still on on the deck at the time so this rare and wonderful piece of music was never again heard during my time in the house.
Fortunately, this is not a fate you have to endure as you can listen to this master class on consumer choice here http://www.rocasta.com/bangin_choons/killdozer_-_hamburger_marty.html
Posted by charles Webster | June 29, 2007 2:58 PM
Posted on June 29, 2007 14:58
Wow, okay so we're uping the ante on robbery stories? I'm in. I always loved a tough crowd.
Actually, my stories are more of the above: backpacks stolen out of the trunk, etc. (except for my GLASSES were in them! Do I get something for that??)
What I love best about this whole hand is imagining some of us at at our computers reading the Chronicles of Jessica on our lunch break, when we should be working. Oops, only me? Just kidding... then.
:-) Kristy
Posted by Kristy Simmons | June 29, 2007 4:42 PM
Posted on June 29, 2007 16:42
does it count that I stole my dad's truck and wrecked it directly into a house? i think it should, and those of you who know me have heard that classic sarah story...
Posted by sarah fallon | July 1, 2007 4:25 AM
Posted on July 1, 2007 04:25
As it appears that I am the only parental unit actually reading these sad tales, I have two words for all of you:
RENTER'S INSURANCE!!!!!
(especially you Jessica!)
Love,
MOM
Posted by Anonymous | July 2, 2007 11:09 AM
Posted on July 2, 2007 11:09
There was a lady who owned a little clothing store in Saco(hometown of Jessica's maternal family)and some bum came in to steal from her. Well, he told her to open the cash drawer and when he did, she slammed his fingers in there as hard as she could. He left the store howling, and commandeered a car which was parked outside of the dry cleaner's. The girl who was behind the wheel, with her baby in a car seat in the back, started to drive him down route 5, following his instructions. Well...Route 5 ends at the Atlantic Ocean. By this time, the cops pulled in right behind them because they were literally starting to drive onto the sand, and he was hollering at her to turn around. But, she said no that it was time for him to give himself up. So, he did. Just like that. I always love that story...trying to take advantage of people in this small town who simply won't give in! Auntie P (I personally don't believe I have ever had anything stolen from me...just lucky I guess):).
Posted by Auntie Patti | July 2, 2007 8:16 PM
Posted on July 2, 2007 20:16
Ah... thievery and life in the big city...
So in Pittsburgh, while in seminary, I lived in the neighborhood that inspired "Hill Street Blues." (We knew how pleasant the weather was in the evenings by the amount of gun fire. Rainy night? No guns.)
During my three year stay, we had two cars stolen, a busted car window and a hit-and-run. One of the stolen vehicles was my little Chevette... I know, right??? I got the car back with a busted stearing column and couldn't afford to fix it. I hot wired the car for the next two years until it finally burned out.
The second car that was stolen later had a busted window. I couldn't afford to fix the window... So to prevent future thefts, I simply carried the stearing wheel inside with me every night. Terrific solution!
In my apartment in Staunton, years ago, I was sound asleep when I was woken by somebody NOISILY breaking in the front door. I still had Kyoto with me. Kyoto was a lovely 107 lb. Akita who never barked. I sat up in bed, decided Kyoto would deal with it and went back to a sound and dreamy sleep. When I finally awoke the next morning, there was Kyoto sitting in front of my open door and everything was in its place. He never barked once. That morning Kyoto got an extra long walk and an extra treat. Good puppy!!
Posted by Kristen Barner | July 8, 2007 8:53 PM
Posted on July 8, 2007 20:53