The Chronicles Of Jessica

This has been a really strange week. I saw this Barbie-turned-political statement in a parking lot and it disturbed me greatly. Is it a statement about Big Tobacco or did some 'Catch a Predator' reject put it there? Art or warning sign? You decide.

A few nights ago there was a helicopter circling around above, about a block or so from our apartment, for like half an hour. I have no idea what it was doing there, nor could we determine how we'd even go about finding out. Are you allowed to call the police and ask about stuff like that? It was really weird and made us really paranoid. Paul kept trying to flush the cocaine down the toilet, except instead of cocaine it was Coffeemate. Now our bathroom smells like Hazelnut shame.

Then the other day I bought over a hundred dollars worth of groceries and after everything was bagged and I was supposed to pay, I realized I'd left my wallet next to the computer after ordering something, I can't remember what. The air purifier, I guess. We bought an air purifier because I'm convinced our apartment is choking us with dust and we're going to both get asthma and have to live in an iron lung. Maybe they'd at least be adjoining, that would be kind of cute. But if the air purifier works it won't have to come to that. In 3 weeks I'm supposed to check the filter and then I can see how much grunge we saved ourselves breathing, which I will be gloriously disgusted by. It's in the same feeling neighborhood as when I do Biore Strips and see what came out of my nose pores. The more gunk there is the more perversely thrilled I am, I feel an archaeolgical zeal akin to Howard Carter.

I'd also forgotten my cell phone.

Luckily the nice manager of the Giant let me use the phone to call our apartment, which was a long shot. Paul doesn't answer the phone too much, he's wary of telemarketers. But he picked up and then the nice manager of the Giant let me get the credit card number from Paul and he charged me for the groceries that way. Not my finest moment; in fact I was pretty embarrassed. But after I thought about it I figured that it was a lot less hassle to have to do that than to have to put back everything if I had no way to pay for it. Plus, I'll bet lots worse stuff has happened in there. You know a kid has thrown up in there, kids throw up lots of places. Or I bet some crazed vegan has thrown fake blood on someone buying bulk sausage, or something like that. Compared to that I'm a minor nuisance.

On the upside, I narrowly escaped getting a parking ticket yesterday, and I have to say, it felt so awesome to get away with something. I don't seem to get away with much, historically. Certainly not in my diet; all I have to do is look flirtatiously at a bucket of chicken and five pounds will appear on my ass like some sick David Blaine experiment.

Paul and I are going to TWO concerts this weekend. This is more concerts than I've been to in the last 2 years. V. excited.