They're lucky I didn't use duct tape and crazy glue.
Dear Car Owner and (Presumably) Neighbor:
We don’t know one another but I have an enormous favor to ask of you. Would you please, please, PLEASE for the love of God do something about your car alarm. It goes off ALL. THE. TIME. It goes off for no reason whatsosever. It goes off and it goes off and it is so loud, and so annoying, that it makes me want to commit an indecent act. Do you remember a few weeks ago when you came out to your car one morning and it had shaving cream and coffee that had been thrown all over it sometime during the night? That was the lady who lives across the street. Your car alarm went off all night long, and she kept coming out and screaming, and finally sometime around 3 am, she snapped. Yes, it was ugly, but I understood the sentiment. I had already been woken up about 6 times myself by then.
I can’t really tell from up here in my apartment what kind of car you have, but it’s obviously not any kind of expensive luxury vehicle. What makes you so paranoid that someone’s going to try to steal it? There are all kinds of really nice cars parked around; I’ve seen Lexus’s, Mercedes, BMW’s. I don’t mean to be insulting but I really don’t think you have anything to be worried about. I actually think you risk more damage being done to your car by someone being driven around the bend by your alarm than the risk of theft. Also it’s obvious that you can’t hear the alarm from wherever you are anyway – I’ve never seen you rushing out to confront the would-be thief when it goes off.
My advice to you is to upgrade to a comprehensive insurance policy, get that alarm taken out of your car and just hope for the best. The fact that your tires haven’t been slashed is a testament to the goodness of human nature! Trust in that, and get rid of your car alarm. I’m begging you. The neighborhood is begging you. My husband, who averages 5 hours of sleep a night, is begging you.
Sincerely,
Unofficial Representative of Capitol Hill Citizens Against Noise Pollution
Comments (1)
OMG!! You crack me up! You should really consider moving to "Maine, the Way Life Should Be." Do you ever remember hearing a car alarm during your summers with us on Granite Point? Nope. Just peepers and the sound of the surf. I honestly don't think I have heard a car alarm in the Saco city limits EVER! I would definitely have used crazy glue. Once, during the sexy lobster eating scene in Flash Dance, I had a meltdown because a woman kept snapping her gum...I totally lost it and started shouting "For the love of God, stop snapping your gum!" I am on my 3rd computer fan because the hum drives me nuts. It would not be pretty if a car alarm kept waking me up! Repeat after me: Move to Maine, move to Maine, move to Maine.
Posted by Anonymous | April 25, 2008 8:03 AM
Posted on April 25, 2008 08:03