The Chronicles Of Jessica

Charlie got released from the hospital yesterday! Thank you readers for all your good wishes and mojo. He still has some hurdles to get over, not the least of which is his Flock of Seagulls on Crack hairdo, but he is so glad to be home and my Mom is so thrilled to have him there. Huzzah!

I got a very exciting piece of acting news, which is that I will be going on at the Woolly Mammoth theatre for the last few shows of their current production, Maria Stuart. It's an understudy deal, basically, but better than your typical understudy deal because I know for a fact I'll actually get to do the role on stage in front of people who have (presumably) paid for tickets. The coolest part is that the role is a 70 year old grandmother. I don't know what this says about the state of my crows feet and I don't want to know. Suffice it to say, it's acting work, it's at one of the greatest theatres on the east coast and - let's face it - the only theatre in town that has thus far demonstrated any interest in employing me! Double huzzah.

The mister and I celebrated our first anniversary on Sunday. I can't believe it's been a whole year already, so much has happened. We picked out some of the highlights (and lowlights):

Worked on Clinton campaign
Lost Grandpa Fidalgo
Did a show at Woolly
Went two weeks without carbs
Did some standup comedy
Passed quantitative analysis (ovbiously this one is not mine)
Charlie had a stroke
Got an iPhone...and then another iPhone
Took an ill-fated cruise to the Western Caribbean
Moved
Ogled Michael Phelps
Had the flu
Went to three weddings
Sold a car
Bought a car
Hosted our first Christmas dinner
Thought for a while that one of us had a brain tumor but turned out to be wrong

Like I said, quite a year. I have no idea how we could pack anything more into 365 days but something tells me I'll be singing a different tune next year.

We went out to dinner to the Capitol Grille and spent wayyyyyy too much money. We should have known what we were in for by the "e" on the end of grill. That was a telling hint, and it blew right by us. This was no 'bar and grill'. This was a 'grille' and the prices were reflected accordingly.

We don't often go out for really nice meals, unless we're with our parents. We go out for just regular meals, but it's usually the type of place where you get unlimited tortilla chips brought to the table. Still, given that it was our very first anniversary we were prepared to pull out the stops a little. Paul ordered the filet mignon, after debating about the delmonico (neither of us really knew what the delmonico was. I had heard the term before but only knew that it referred to a type of steak, a fact which we could already gather for ourselves given that it appeared on a list below the word "steak".) But rookie that I am, I got seduced by the description of one of the specials, a baked stuffed lobster. In restaurants, I generally like to go for something I would not (or could not) make for myself, or something that Paul would never agree to eat even if I did cook it at home. In the first place there's no way a live lobster is ever entering my home as long as my husband is living in it. He thinks they look like aliens intent on destroying us, which they kind of do. But even if I were to get lobster across the threshold, I would never cook it myself and then crack it open and then stuff it. One needs a real kitchen to do that sort of thing. One needs special utensils and big pots and one of those little ramekins for melted butter. Someday I may possess these tools, but not now.

Anyway, she described this special and it sounded absolutely heavenly (which it was) but the rookie mistake was not asking about the price. The price! This is how they get you. I can't tell you how many times I get suckered into ordering the special and then practically throw up the special all over the table when the bill comes, because it turned out to cost twice as much as anything else on the menu. I could ask, of course, but I never think to. I get sucked in with their little monologue about bread crumbs and aioli and searing and stuff like that, and the next thing you know I'm slapping my beloveds face to bring him back to consciousness following his painful realization that his bride has just ingested $68 worth of lobster.

Long story short we'll be confining our dining out to Wendy's for the second year of our marriage. But the memory of that shellfish will linger on.

Sweet! Our money worries are over! Paul can go get another expensive master's degree, even!

Dear Friend I am Mrs. Sarah Welsh, an English woman who is suffering from cancerous Ailment. I am married to Sir Jim Welsh who also is an Englishman though Dead now. My husband worked with the Nigeria Railways for over two decade before the cold hand of death took him away on the 23rd of July 2003 at about 2:00AM. Our marriage lasted for over a decade without any fruit of the Womb. (Please, don't say fruit of the womb again.) My husband died after a protracted illness. My husband and I made a vow to uplift the down-trodden and the Less-privileged individuals within the United Kingdom, Europe, North and South America, Africa and the rest of the globe as he had passion for persons who cannot help themselves due to physical disability or financial predicament. I can adduce this to the fact that he needed a Child from this relationship, which never came. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of 10 Million (Ten Million Dollars with a bank in Nigeria. Presently, this money is still with the Bank. Recently, my Doctor told me that I have a limited or numbered days on earth and that my life span will not exceed 150days due to the cancerous problems I am suffering from. (Cancerous problems?) Though what bothers me most is the stroke that I have in addition to the cancer. (I can see how that would be vexing.) With this hard reality that has befallen my family, and me I have decided to donate this fund to a on-governmental, or a non Religious, and or a non profit organization or better still an Individual, that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in. This gift, which comes from, my husbands sweat (ew) to fund the upkeep of widows, Widowers, orphans, destitute, the downtrodden, physically challenged children, barren-women and persons who prove to be genuinely handicapped financially. It is often said that blessed is the hand that giveth. (Indeed. Who am I to argue?!) I took this decision because I do not have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are bourgeois and very wealthy persons And I do not want my husband Jim Welsh hard earned money to be misused or invested into ill perceived ventures. I do not want a situation Where this money will be used in an ungodly manner, (one has to wonder why it's being offered to me, then) hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be with the Almighty when I eventually pass on. The Almighty will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I do not need any telephone communication in this regard due to my deteriorating Health and because of the presence of my husband relatives around me. I do not want them to know about this development. (I completely understand this part. My husband's relatives are also extremely untrustworthy.) With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply to my private email: sarahwelsh03@yahoo.com.hk , include: Full name and Address,Telephone number, Age, Occupation, I Shall give you the contact of the bank in Nigeria (why is it always Nigeria?) for the claim of the fund. I will also issue you a Certificate Of Deposit that will empower you as the original beneficiary of this fund. My happiness is that I lived a life worthy of emulation. Please always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for a Non-governmental, or a non religious, and or a non profit organization on Or better still an individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act just as I have stated herein. Hope to hear from you soon and God bless you and members of your family. Mrs. Sarah Welsh. (Benefactor)

So let's see - the destitute, the downtrodden and persons who prove to be genuinely handicapped financially....me, me....ME! You know I knew when I got up this morning it was going to be a good day! I'm not sure how I live up to "being prayerful all my life" but maybe they won't neccessarily check up on that part.