The Chronicles Of Jessica

What I look like in the mornings.

Actually this photo was taken backstage last weekend at Woolly Mammoth, where I was honored and privileged to understudy for the inimitable Sarah Marshall in 'Maria/Stuart'. I had exactly two rehearsals to figure out what the hell was going on, and there was a lot going on. This particular incarnation of the costume represents my character after she has died and sort of been reanimated by a shapeshifter...you sort of had to be there. Anyway, I had the most fantastic time. The cast was so kind and so supportive of me, and the Woolly staff was wonderful, and Howard Shalwitz (artistic director extraordinaire) gave me some great makeup tips.

Understudying is strange. I could never quite figure out (nor did I really bother to ask, now that I think about it) if the idea was to try and completely emulate what the other actor was doing, or to just try and hit the right marks and bring my own thing to it - so I sort of did some combination of both those things. Among other things this play had me guzzling a two-liter of soda onstage, climbing around on kitchen counters and a table, falling over with a walker, kissing girls, and doing cross-stitch. Cross stitch, people! The bounds of my acting prowess are limitless.

Cross stitch is like the one crafty thing that even dopes like me can do. It requires almost no skill whatsoever. All you do is follow a graph and use a needle and thread to make a series of x's in a pattern to make a picture. It's sort of silly. Though I did find this website recently called Subversive Cross Stitch which has patterns for cross stitch housewarming gifts like, "Life Sucks and Then You Die" and "Happy F&*%$ing Holidays" and those are the types of crafty projects I could really get into. Ironi-craft.

I know it's been a really long time since I've had a blog update and I apologize if there's been a real sense yearning in your lives because of it. We've had a lot going on! Paulie took me to Atlantic City for my birthday last month, and that was so fun! Unsurprisingly to me, I am bad at gambling.

Look at this thing! They have, like, hundreds of these just in the one casino! And there are dozens of casinos! It was something else. I've never been gambling before, unless you count the Oscar pool at work. We really just dabbled around a little on the slot machines and poker machines because we realized you have to put in actual money, which we're perpetually short of. The slot machines were complicated! I figured you just stuck in a quarter and pulled a lever but it turned out to be much more nuanced than that. But I could just never really see getting into this gambling thing, not seriously. You put in money and then after a while it's just gone. That's not fun! If someone on the street just took money from you it would be a robbery. But if it's Native Americans or the Jersey mob, then it's a vacation. What sense does that make?

Also I joined a new gym. (Right. I haven't had time to blog because I've been spending so much time at the gym. Convincing, isn't it?) Actually I have a love affair going with my new gym. It takes approximately two minutes and thirty seconds to get there from my apartment, and they have a location near my day job too, which is even nicer. They have a sauna and a steam room and a whirlpool, and a big tank of tropical fish, and a smoothie bar, and a little boutique where you can buy workout clothes with the name of the gym on them. I haven't actually tried any of the exercise equipment yet but it looks very shiny.

And of course, there's the election. Sigh. The election. What is there to say about the election? It almost killed my husband and now it's killing me. Not because I'm working so hard on it, of course, but because I get too emotionally involved. I don't understand how this election can even be close. It literally boggles my mind, I cannot fathom it. Can't fathom! Everyone I know (with maybe 1 or 2 exceptions) seems to intrinsically understand how much better off our country and our citizens would be under Obama. How much better respected in the world, how much better cared for in terms of our health insurance, how much better educated....just....better! Things could be better! But people (I don't know who they are or what motivates them, but they're answering the phone when Gallup calls, so they must exist) manage to convince themselves, or allow themselves to be convinced that he is something to be feared, someone to be reviled, because he's different. He's black! He has a strange sounding name! BOOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!!!

And don't get me started on Sarah Palin. Do not get me started. Don't - what are you doing!?!? I'm getting started! All right, I'll just say this: I can imagine very, very few things that would frighten me as much as having that woman so close to the Oval Office. Very few things. I can think of like two: mandatory thong underwear and killer bees. And I would march up and down Pennsylvania avenue with a thong made of killer bees if it meant I could send that doofus packing. Keep her away from my libraries, keep her off my social security and for the love of God - keep her out of my uterus.

Thank you.